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07 October 2015 @ 08:58 pm
The worst conspiracy theory  
Current mood:



I've been having a pretty bad week, and I've said so before, and people have been very kind when I have. And then, my brain immediately leaps to one of three possible options:

People Who Didn't Say Anything: It's because they didn't care at all, and probably wish they had never met me in the first place so my whining wouldn't assault their ears.
People Who Said Something In Public: They're grandstanding, making sure to demonstrate their compassion publically. It's all performative.
People Who Said Something In Private: They have an ulterior motive, either not wanting to break their friendship with softlykarou, not wanting to cause any other rifts among our mutual friends, or it's pity without any actual care behind it.

You can probably see how literally anything anyone says to me can get shunted into one of these three boxes, which makes it pretty difficult for me to hear what's being said. It's like conspiratorial thinking, where evidence proves the conspiracy, unrelated evidence is bent to fit the conspiracy, and lack of evidence just shows how effective the conspiracy is.

I'd like off the conspiracy train, please.
it's that old recurring dream where you're drowning
flailing your arms out, fearful and frantic
and black waves are curling and pounding
down onto your head somewhere in the Atlantic
through the fathoms below you a shadow
is gliding up towards you with singular purpose
and hundreds of thousands of gallons
of ocean froth and foam as it breaks the surface

its black eyes find you almost at once
you can't hide, swim away or take air into your lungs
to scream for help that won't come
 
 
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: David Wirsig - Black Eyes
 
 
 
q99q99 on October 9th, 2015 12:19 am (UTC)
Yea, that's a tough spot. I hope things improve and you get out of it soon.
dorchadas: Nyarlathotepdorchadas on October 9th, 2015 01:30 am (UTC)
Thank you~

I feel better at the moment, but earlier today was rough. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
q99q99 on October 9th, 2015 03:08 am (UTC)
Yea, tomorrow's always another day.


It's too bad people brains pulling that kind of stuff don't work like robots... otherwise I'd go with the old "Hm, your brain is treating stuff as false? Ah ha, I'll hit it with the 'This statement is a lie!' logic paradox!".